Sunday, October 16, 2011

The Virtues of Getting Married (Only for Women)

All ye unmarried ladies, get married. Hey, don't get me wrong, I know what I am talking about! Am I married? No, but I.. Am I out of my mind? No, not that either. But really, I have thought this our thoroughly before putting it forth. But oh, wait, are you studying? Because then you better scuttle back to your books, this is of no pratical use to you. Are you working? Do you have a boss you hate? Of course you have a boss you hate! Well then, read on. And after that, get married.

The meaning of marriage in my mind is simple. Here's what you do. Find a guy who earns well and assures you that he will be a loving and caring husband. Sign a deal with him which entitles you to at least a third of his salary every month. Then, marry him. Now, your husband is your employer and your boss. Also, your income is not taxable.

Now, enter the green pastures. Wake up with him in the morning, fix him a breakfast and pack him a lunch. Then, when he has left, treat yourself to a lazy breakfast. Then if you wish, go back to sleep. Yes, I know - you can actually do that - sleep while your boss works. Then you wake up when you please, shout a bit at your housemaid and get the real work done. Tidy up the place a bit. Play some nice music and take a luxurious bath. Then cook your favourite lunch and eat in your own sweet time, watching TV. Then you are free to read a book, learn to play the drums, take a walk in the park, or pursue any hobby. Then when the sun sets, you make some nice snack for your beloved and get ready to welcome the tired boss home. Make him comfortable, fix him a long bath or give him a massage. Make his favourite dinner. Pamper him. It shouldn't be so tough, you have had a beautiful day, haven't you?

On weekends, laze away with him. Call his mother - it will take 5 minutes, or maybe 30. While talking to her, remember your lazy afternoon and remember they are worth this. This and a few more aunts.

On some days, you would be bored of cooking. How do you handle that? You raise your voice a teensy bit, and say this - "I've been cooped up in this house ALL THE TIME. I'm so frustrated! I want some change!!" He will say, "Oh dear! I'm so sorry. Lets go out today! Is that okay?" Then you say okay, because you know its too good a deal. Imagine saying all this to a boss elsewhere and pulling it off.

Sounds like a great deal, doesn't it? But if you ask me the best part of it all, it's this - if you think you can't handle any of this, just be good to him in bed. In most of the cases, thats all it would take.

P.S. It doesn't work out with kids. Don't have them.
P.P.S. Don't let your current boss read this. Neither your husband.
P.P.P.S. Sarcasm. Go back to work.

5 comments:

Subhrojyoti Sarkar said...

Good cover up at the end, but, I can understand your feelings... ;)
So when are we getting the invitation?

ATIF WAHAB said...

If you really want women to read your article write "only for men" instead.

Anonymous said...

Yes when are we getting the invitation?

Vinod R Iyer said...

@PPPS : Good that they introduced foot notes !:P

Radha said...

@Atif: Well, I meant that the virtues are only for Women.

@Rest: No invitation :P