Saturday, November 13, 2010

Chapter I: Harakiri

She walks in a trance, a mere collection of broken pieces, held together by an overpowering, all-consuming darkness. Her smile is fake, her eyes are blank, her heart is maimed, her brain is dead. She used be different, the contrary, and now she cannot remember why, or how - her memory is handicapped. The ghosts of her past floating in her eyes, demented, disoriented, she walks, she is in a trance..

She is drowning, falling into the abyss, and there is nothing that can stop her fall. She is out of breath, suffocated, she knows she is going to die, soon. The weight all over her body is unbearable, and yet, she is weightless. Water has such a weird temperament - it drowns the one who is struggling to survive, and floats the one who's already dead...

Darkness closes in on her. It is all that is around her, confining her to her own wretchedness. Her lips are parched, and her eyes are wet. She prays, desperately, between her sobs and hiccups, for the unknown saviour.. She yells, she shouts, she pleads, she begs, more tears fall down, her throat goes dry.. She falls on her knees, with her hands folded and eyes closed, praying for the one Deliverer, her rescuer.. please.. please..

Please...



Chapter II: Saisei

How does one describe the light that breaks her trance?
It is like the rays of the sun which break through the clouds and announce the dawn, and a dead man wakes up, sleepily, grudgingly, but definitely..
It is like a small ray peeping out of a slit at the end of the tunnel, which whispers of hope; and the weary pace quickens. Stumbling, falling, and rising again, she runs. The trance is broken, her brain is awake, her eyes are alive - they have seen light..

She can feel the pull, a hand grasping hers, bringing her closer to the surface. A fresh breath enters her body, fills her lungs, she coughs, and sputters, but she breathes in life. The surface, dark and dreary from below, now gleams like a thousand diamonds. She can feel her weight, but the burden is gone..

Knock.. knock, what is that? Something shakes around her.. KNOCK! Is it the ground itself? BAM! With a crash, the walls break, the confines are destroyed, and light floods in - the light of her Saviour, her angel. In this flood, her misery is washed away, her thirst is quenched.

The chaos is over, and the silence is silenced. The music has finally begun..


Chapter III: Wind

Thanks..

For what?

For.. For coming..

You know, if you wanted me to come, you shouldn't have closed the doors around you.

Huh? I.. I..

Yes, you closed them, yourself.. The music was always here, you muted it... The fresh air isn't my gift, its your birthright.. The light isn't mine, its your own.. You denied all that.. to yourself..

Please dont riducule me.. I became miserable, but before that I had a sound mind.. Who in their senses would do that to themselves?

Everyone does. You are a little to the extreme..

No! You don't know anything of this! The pain, the suffering, the torture, its incredible.. Why would anyone do that to themselves?! How could anyone do that to themselves?!

Don't get so worked up. Its human tendency to find a justification for every failure. They tend to find reasons for being sad, instead of finding reasons for being happy. They are amazingly intelligent, intelligent enough to fool themselves into a selfimposed misery.

But I was at the very bottom.. the darkness was abysmal.. the pain was unbearable.. and I couldn't do anything..!

Yes, thats what helped you win over everything.

What? Being at the abyss?

Yes, at the very bottom, all you can do is rise. After forgetting everything, all you can do is remember. In the pitfall of failure, when you cant fall any more, when your reasons are finally over, and justifications aren't needed, you rise above everything, and win!
A baby is always happy, coz all he can do is grow, learn, be better.. and like that baby, you are now reborn..


From the bottom of my heart,  I thank you, Masashi Kishimoto-san, for giving me Gaara and Naruto, and with all the gratitude that I can muster, I thank  Toshio Masuda, for composing Wind..



Chapter IV: Naitsuu

I thought I wouldn't need to see you again.

You sound as if you don't want to be here.

Oh, no no. I am just scared. You have such groundbreaking troubles. What is it this time?

Something's wrong.

Clearly, what?

Well, actually, everything's alright.

And?

That's wrong!

Wow! You are a miracle of nature!

Huh?

Being euphemistic, that's all. I meant to say that I don't understand you at all.

You see, everything is alright. I am at peace with myself and in line with the world. I am happy - not always smiling, but happy. I feel so content; Nobody notices it, but I know its there. I don't know how to put this into words.

Then don't.

Huh?

Donn't waste your time in telling me something I already know.

But you see, I... I don't deserve it! There are so many people around me who did everything right - they sacrificed themselves, they gave it their best - and they are still not happy. This is so unfair, so very wrong, it doesn't make any sense! It____

(Chuckles)

Don't laugh. You don't know how_____

I do know. You think too much though. Good, bad, right, wrong, sensible, nonsense, fair, unfair - why does this matter so much?YOu say you are happy, yet your eyes are wide with fear - do you even know that? What are you scared of?!

Of loosing everything! Dont you see? I have everything - everything to lose!

(Laughs)

You have a weird sense of humour.

No, you are a funny creature. You rose up so fearlessly when you had nothing. Rose yp for what? For this very moment! And when you have made it till here, you fear everything! Do you still doubt my sense of humour?

(Silence)

I see, you are speechless. Finally.

No. Its this feeling which suddenly crops up in my mind sometimes when I am smiling - and the smile stops midway. I feel as if every smile is rented. So one day, I would have to pay for each one of them with my tears. This isn't a perfect world. Then why is my life so?

It's not.

Sorry?

Your life is not perfect.

What do you know of it?

Really? Are you telling me that everything is flawless all around you? Every morning, when you wake up, there is nothing that saddens you. The weather, the work, the people - nothing daunts you. Is that the way of it? Does the world dance to your tunes, human? Is it that you want nothing more in life?

No... That's not how it is.

Then why do you feel so?

Because, I just feel so...

Now we are talking. Happiness is not something to be achieved, it is to be felt. You can not judge it as fair or unfair, because its just there. Only, most people forget to feel it.

How can one forget to do something as important as feeling happy?

By doing the opposite of remembering what happiness is. It is like this - currently, you have just decided to be happy. But its all you - your resolve making you so strong from within, your confidence in looking up to every problem instead of looking down upon yourself, your attitude of finding solutions instead of finding problems. And this is a very powerful weapon. Pity is, people do not realise how powerful it is unless they have it.

So, my happiness and the apparent perfection, is just my way of looking at things, is it? Does it mean that all of this is just an illusion?

(Chuckles) And does that mean, on further extrapolation, that everything - all life - is just an illusion? There are all sorts of questions. But that, my dear, is the domain of philosophers.

Aren't you one?

Oh, I am. You aren't. Not yet at least.

So I might become one in future, is it?

That, I believe, is up to you.


17 comments:

wolverine said...

i like it a lot. the line... Water has such a weird temperament - it drowns the one who is struggling to survive, and floats the one who's already dead... is very true.. in every sense... same is the problem with this world.. there is this smell which i just cant tolerate.. the smell of wretched, rotting thoughts and minds...

Anonymous said...

Is this anime-istic?

Radha said...

@ Wolverine: Thanks!
@ Anon: Its inspired by an anime, but not really anime-istic.

prateeksays said...

First of all, the titles are a spooky! That just adds to the good read. :)
Anyway, the philosophical overtones over the not so "anime-istic" post are unmistakably noticeable.
The variations of emotions in the 3 chapters and subtle analogies have made this a remarkable read. BRAVO \m/

Mental Havoc said...

Brilliant! You must become a writer :)

143kbps said...

think more. write more.
stay hungry. stay foolish. as always.

Anonymous said...

It sounds anime-istic enough :P

Starak said...

Good one!!! I especially like the sentence "Silence has been silenced"... and amazing use of contrast in the sentence "After forgetting everything, all you can do is remember".. simply brilliant :)

Janhavi :-) said...

nice thought about babies on children's day :-)

Anonymous said...

I guess there is no scope for inter-planetary space-travel/secret agents/both in the storyline :P

Sivasankar Menon said...

Jealous!

Radha said...

@ Prateek, Mental Havoc, 143kbps, Starak, Sivasankar: thanks!!
Janhavi: :-)
@ Anon2: are you sure you wanted to comment on this post?!

Ankit Rastogi said...

Well i've been sitting and thinking and all i feel for this peice is - Its gud. Its Good..!!

Anonymous said...

hey don't mind.... its a great post...you have a way with words :) ...kinda spooky though :P

K.G. said...

Loved the post Miss. Future Writer .... loved the desperate uneasiness it puts the reader in :)

Ashlesha said...

"The chaos is over, and the silence is silenced. The music has finally begun.."

"...at the very bottom, all you can do is rise"

Amazing post, Radha! Was lost in the beautiful narration. Could feel every subtle feeling and emotion depicted. Still lost in it...

Radha said...

@ Ankit, Ash: Thanks!! tum dono ko pasand aayi means awesome :D
@ K.G.: Miss Future Writer? will make u read the book if i write :P
and what the hell were you doing at 6 am in the morning?!